Post by Envi on Dec 8, 2013 23:31:00 GMT -5
oct.11.thirteen6:42pm
”I’m sorry.”
I don’t think I’ve ever introduced you to my mother.
”I know you hate me. I should’ve been there.”
We were in her room, back in Pleasanton. She had this huge window, that as a child, I had loved to just do what she was doing now. Sit there, in that rocking chair that had been in our family for decades, and was due to break any-day now, and just stare out of that huuuge window that stretched the entire width of the room. She stared out, into the fair skies. Into the masses of birds that sailed westward.
”It was Dad’s funeral. I know. I just…”
I crossed my arms over my chest. I glanced behind me, toward my bags that I’d dropped at her door. I remember it like it was yesterday. I vividly remember staring at the APW Undisputed Championship, which was so beautiful and so harmless back then. I knew she’d seen me defeat Terry Marvin. I knew she’d watched.
I knew she didn’t give a fuck… so I didn’t mention it. Instead I turned and placed a hand on her shoulder, to which she reacted with indifference. She didn’t embrace it, but she didn’t turn me away. She continued to stare out of her window with that blank expression as if I wasn’t even there.
”I’m sorry, Mom. I’ll fix this. You… you can believe me.”
I turned to walk away from her, but I remember stopping because she scoffed. She turned her head, slightly, but she didn’t look back at me. She had this crooked sort of smirk on her face, and her shoulders tensed.
”Yeah?”
That’s the last time she spoke to me. I didn’t have the gall to pursue the conversation after that. It’d head to a dark place, and as I spun away from her, piling my bags into my arms, finally scooping up and cradling the belt… cradling that APW Championship. A smile crossed my face, and I was silently thankful that she couldn’t see it. I hurried out of the room. I didn’t look back. I knew she’d never want to speak to me again, but at that moment, I didn’t care.
I had everything I’d ever wanted.
dec.5.thirteen12:12pm
”Mom asked about you. Asked if you were doing alright.”
I was sitting on the pier with Trey, my brother. He was younger by three, maybe four years? Does it make me horrible that I don’t remember the years my brothers were born? Ha! We were at our Nana’s house, just a few miles east of San Diego in a neighborhood that I won’t disclose to you. The poor old woman’s already dealt with harassment just for being my grandmother. She loved her kids and her grandkids all the same. I glanced over my shoulder, into the window where I could see her hunched down, pulling something from the oven. We’d just dropped by for a surprise visit but she insisted on cooking… Cassandra was in there with her, chatting away, catching up-- it was as if they’d known each other since they were both girls. It was endearing.
”Aubs?”
”Sorry… zoned out… what were you saying about Mom?”
Trey shrugged and looked down into the water.
”She was looking forward to you moving in for a few months, like you said you were gonna… before you signed with PURE and I got the job and-- and I guess she was just disappointed. She didn’t outright say it, but you know how she is, right?”
”She hasn’t said a word to me in almost two months. She didn’t want me there, Trey.”
”That isn’t true.”
”Whatever. Did you ask her or not?”
Trey paused and took a deep breath. Before we get to his answer, I guess I should explain… I’d prodded Trey until he asked our mother if she’d attend our next show; the live broadcast of AMC’s PURE-TV. My mother had attended our shows in the past, though the instances became fewer and farther between as time went on. Maybe, at least in my case, it was because I’d drifted away. The woman was my everything until I fell in love with wrestling. But… though those thoughts may have lingered, I was quick to push them out, just in time to hear Trey’s response.
”She’s not gonna come. She said ‘I’ll think about it’ but I know that means no. She’ll go to Judy’s house, or stay home, and finish a bottle of wine. That’s what she does on the weekends now. She doesn’t like going out anymore.”
I coughed, violently. I had tried to suppress it, and Trey turned, quickly rising to his feet.
”Did you take your--?”
”Yes. Don’t start that shit. Please. And sit down… we’re not done talking.”
He gave me an uneasy look, but took a seat once again.
”If she doesn’t wanna be there when I beat Alessandra, then fine. I don’t need her there. But I want her to be there at Crisis. I’d like to have some support out there when I’m fighting for the championship, know what I mean?”
”Dude. Yeah.”
”Just try to convince her, alright? It’d mean a lot, I guess.”
”You know what would’ve meant a lot to her?”
It was like a little pinch in the heart, eeeeevery fucking time. I shot Trey a glare and rolled my eyes, pulling my legs up to my chest. I was preparing to get up and head toward the house, but he spoke up before I got the chance.
”That Nayara girl? She’s pretty legit, man. I know you’ve sick, so you might wanna be extra careful out there against her. Seems like the nice girl, you know? But she’ll exploit it. I can see it in her.”
”Yeah. Me too.”
And I did. She came from the same “pack” or whatever that Joe Martinez did, and he did nothing but impress. I’d watched, with my head halfway in a waste-bin last week, tears streaming down my face, love and roses projecting from my insides, into the bin… I’d watched as he stomped through the competition to came a spot alongside Madison and myself. It made me more sick. I remembered getting that nauseous feeling again, seeing that I’d have to face Alessandra.
”I’m not gonna make excuses for myself. And you’d better not either. I’ll go out there and win by any means necessary.”
”Guys!”
We turned, and Cassandra beckoned us from the patio.
”Food! Consuuuuume!”
And she disappeared back into the house, skipping off to find Nana. I turned to Trey again as I climbed to my feet.
”I don’t deserve it, but it’d be nice for Mom to be there when I do it… at least once.”
He may have responded if I’d stuck around, but I didn’t linger too long. I made my way back toward the house, grimacing and shuddering as a series of coughs rolled out of my mouth. I felt Trey’s eyes on me, but I ignored them. I took a deep breath as I stood on the patio, allowing myself entrance only once I’d composed myself.
dec.7.thirteen7:04pm
I woke up with a bit of a jolt.
I had to vomit. I knew it. The energy to pull myself out of the bed and rush into the bathroom wasn’t quite there yet. I could hear the chatter of Talon and Cassandra from the living room. They were watching some horror movie, trading barbs, trading predictions… I tried to focus on that as I pulled myself out of the bed. The bathroom was merely feet away but it may as well have been miles, and by the time I made my realization, I was on hands and knees, ready to crawl to that bitch. Walking just wasn’t happening.
That’s when I saw it. Like a stalker, it was under the bed, pushed under there just a few inches. I’d done it on purpose nights ago, trying to keep it out of my sight, but the APW Undisputed Championship was just glaring me in the face. I decided to lie there, on the floor, staring back at it. I stretched out my arm and my fingers, gripping a handful of the shag carpet, silently thankful that the belt was out of reach.
”You’re a cunt for looking at me like that. I get it, okay? Uuuugghhh, I’ve totally seen better days.”
I snickered to myself and buried my face in the carpet.
”I had days when I didn’t spend my nights talking to an inanimate object. I bet Alessandra’s not going through this bullshit right now.”
I opened my eyes and looked into the gold face of the championship again. The nausea went away when I looked back at it… one of God’s sick little jokes.
”I’m better than her though. I’m better than Alessandra. She doesn’t know what it’s like to hold you.”
I smiled warmly, pulling myself inches closer to the belt.
”She’s not gonna know what it’s like to hold anything like you. I’m going to the top, and I’m not looking back. I’m not waiting up for anyone… not even you…”
The feeling of sickness returned in the pit of my gut, but I ignored it. I dragged myself closer, reaching out. My fingers grazed the gold.
”I’m gonna be the only one dressed in gold around here. Me. It’s not so wrong to want that, right?”
Closer.
”And that bitch thinks she can stop me. I bet-- I bet that’s what she thinks.”
Closer. And there, I was able to grab it. I pulled the belt closer, and before I realized it, I was halfway under the damned bed, but I didn’t care. I hugged the belt to my chest and I reveled in the warmth and the ecstasy. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
”Never.”
BZZZZZZ…
BZZZZZZ…
BZZZZZZ…
To say I was annoyed would be an understatement. My phone vibrated against the table and I sat upright, one arm still clutching the championship belt of my now-defunct former organization. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and glanced at it, briefly, before answering it.
”What’s up, Trey? I was totally having a moment here.”
”Just wanted to let you know, man, that, uh… Mom isn’t gonna be coming to the show. Said she’s going to Julia’s for the weekend and they’re doing Christmas shit and… yeah. She just can’t come.”
Ouch.
”That’s alright. Thanks for lettin’ me know.”
”I’ll still be there though. Someone’s gotta be in your corner when you whoop Nayara, right?”
”Appreciated, Trey.”
There was a long pause before his voice came through with a bit more concern than before.
”Feelin’ alright, today?”
I glanced down at the belt in my arm and smiled faintly.
”Yeah, great. You just caught me on the wrong end of a nap.”
”My bad. Well, get some rest, alright? I’ll shoot you a text in the morning. And-- hey. Try not to let Mom get you down. She’s holding a bit of a grudge, but you know she loves you and all that sappy junk. She just isn’t ready.”
I didn’t have a response for him. I finally looked away from the belt, closing my eyes and nodding although I knew Trey couldn’t see it.
”Got it, dude. Hit me up.”
I ended the call and tossed the phone up onto the bed. I placed my back against the nightstand and hugged my knees and the championship belt to my chest. At that moment, I didn’t care that my health was deteriorating. I didn’t care that my mother wanted nothing to do with me-- she couldn’t even be arsed to come to PURE TV. I didn’t care. Holding the gold reminded me of what I was here for. It reminded me of what I’d sacrificed so much for.
But it reminded me that I didn’t yet have everything I’d ever wanted.
dec.8.thirteen10:52pm
”I’m not in the best condition, Alessandra, but I’m not gonna need to be. I’ve got a specific goal this week, and it’s to break you down as quickly as I possibly can.
I don’t have time to play games with you. I’ve already got Madison and your buddy Martinez to contend with, and after I’m done with you tomorrow night, I could have to compete with you again. You might go out there and win the Battle Royal, and I’d be soooo happy for you. And you know why, baby. You know what that means.
It means that not ooonly have I already defeated Chris Madison, but I’ll have defeated you. Hell-- I’ll have annihilated you; let’s be honest. I mean, you ARE good, and I’m certain that you’ve got all the confidence in the world. You’ve got plenty of momentum and fan support out there, but there’s no way you can think that you hold a candle to me, even with all those things considered. If you did, you’d already be in this match, wouldn’t you?
A Battle Royal’s your big break. You can hide your faults and your shortcomings and you don’t have to outwrestle or outperform anybody to weasel your way into the PURE Wrestling Heavyweight Title match, but make no mistake about it, you’re gonna have a hell of a time doing that with a bummed knee. You WILL walk away from me with a limp, Ally. And if you think that’s an empty threat, then I beg of you… I beg you to take a look at history. Look at what I’ve done in PURE Wrestling every single week, and then look at you.
You’re a sideshow attraction. You’re not the main event. You’re not the face of this company… or anything. The best advice I can give you for this week is to hop in line and take detailed notes because I’m gonna show you how to fall, baby. If you’re lucky, you’ll fall with some grace. You’ll fall with some dignity. But no matter what… you’re the fall-bitch this week. It’s almost getting repetitive, actually. For weeks, I was wondering when PURE would give me a challenge that I might not be able to overcome on my own, and then I was like… welllllll, that’s impossible, because we haven’t perfected human cloning yet.
So I thought about it, and I really thought ‘man, how much trouble could she really give me’? And you know what… I was an Alessandra once.
I was this girl, fresh-faced, and unknown, that came into a company in a tag team alongside this man… and he taught me almost everything I knew at the time. He performed better than I did sometimes. The fans? They reacted to him more positively than they did to me. They expected so much more from HIM, and I was so happy for him, but it fucking killed me sometimes, because all I wanted was some recognition and I wasn’t getting it. People knew I was good, but they didn’t know me... they didn’t know what I was truly, honestly capable of.
One day I got sick of that.
I don’t remember what day it was, but I broke out of my shell and I let loose in that ring. I put on the show of my fucking LIFE… I stopped trying to be what everybody else wanted me to be, and I took the best this business has to offer to the limit every single week, BEATING EVERY ONE OF THEM. I still do it. I don’t do it with regard for my well-being or anybody else’s. I do it for the thrill. I do it because I love to wrestle, Ally, and I know you do too, but you don’t do a damned thing to inspire me.
You don’t make me wanna cross the line in that ring.
You don’t make me wanna hurt you.
But maybe you’ll surprise me when we face off… y’know, maybe there’ll be this spark when we lock up and you’ll put the fear of God in me and I’ll know that I have to stop you from putting me down-- from walking into the Battle Royal and getting the opportunity to take food off my plate. To take my gold away from me. Maybe.
But that’s a big ‘maybe’.
To be honest, I’ll prepare for a five-star matchup, and I’ll prepare for you to take me to the edge, but I’m not entirely counting on that. I’ve got a plan that starts from the moment my music hits and ends when you’re tapping out on the canvas. I mean… Alessandra, you don’t strike me as the type of person that warrants a contingency plan, but then again… ha, I’m not the kind of person to come up with one, am I? I’m gonna put you down and I’m gonna do it right the first time.
You? You’re gonna need that contingency plan. You WILL be needing that Battle Royal, so do yourself a favor and just try… try to survive out there. I’ll let you, if you try.
But if you let me, I’ll break you.
I’m gonna break you down quick. I’m gonna do it by any means necessary. You know my name. You know what I can do. Now… let’s see what makes you so special.”
fin.
”I’m sorry.”
I don’t think I’ve ever introduced you to my mother.
”I know you hate me. I should’ve been there.”
We were in her room, back in Pleasanton. She had this huge window, that as a child, I had loved to just do what she was doing now. Sit there, in that rocking chair that had been in our family for decades, and was due to break any-day now, and just stare out of that huuuge window that stretched the entire width of the room. She stared out, into the fair skies. Into the masses of birds that sailed westward.
”It was Dad’s funeral. I know. I just…”
I crossed my arms over my chest. I glanced behind me, toward my bags that I’d dropped at her door. I remember it like it was yesterday. I vividly remember staring at the APW Undisputed Championship, which was so beautiful and so harmless back then. I knew she’d seen me defeat Terry Marvin. I knew she’d watched.
I knew she didn’t give a fuck… so I didn’t mention it. Instead I turned and placed a hand on her shoulder, to which she reacted with indifference. She didn’t embrace it, but she didn’t turn me away. She continued to stare out of her window with that blank expression as if I wasn’t even there.
”I’m sorry, Mom. I’ll fix this. You… you can believe me.”
I turned to walk away from her, but I remember stopping because she scoffed. She turned her head, slightly, but she didn’t look back at me. She had this crooked sort of smirk on her face, and her shoulders tensed.
”Yeah?”
That’s the last time she spoke to me. I didn’t have the gall to pursue the conversation after that. It’d head to a dark place, and as I spun away from her, piling my bags into my arms, finally scooping up and cradling the belt… cradling that APW Championship. A smile crossed my face, and I was silently thankful that she couldn’t see it. I hurried out of the room. I didn’t look back. I knew she’d never want to speak to me again, but at that moment, I didn’t care.
I had everything I’d ever wanted.
don’t stop me, mama
dec.5.thirteen12:12pm
”Mom asked about you. Asked if you were doing alright.”
I was sitting on the pier with Trey, my brother. He was younger by three, maybe four years? Does it make me horrible that I don’t remember the years my brothers were born? Ha! We were at our Nana’s house, just a few miles east of San Diego in a neighborhood that I won’t disclose to you. The poor old woman’s already dealt with harassment just for being my grandmother. She loved her kids and her grandkids all the same. I glanced over my shoulder, into the window where I could see her hunched down, pulling something from the oven. We’d just dropped by for a surprise visit but she insisted on cooking… Cassandra was in there with her, chatting away, catching up-- it was as if they’d known each other since they were both girls. It was endearing.
”Aubs?”
”Sorry… zoned out… what were you saying about Mom?”
Trey shrugged and looked down into the water.
”She was looking forward to you moving in for a few months, like you said you were gonna… before you signed with PURE and I got the job and-- and I guess she was just disappointed. She didn’t outright say it, but you know how she is, right?”
”She hasn’t said a word to me in almost two months. She didn’t want me there, Trey.”
”That isn’t true.”
”Whatever. Did you ask her or not?”
Trey paused and took a deep breath. Before we get to his answer, I guess I should explain… I’d prodded Trey until he asked our mother if she’d attend our next show; the live broadcast of AMC’s PURE-TV. My mother had attended our shows in the past, though the instances became fewer and farther between as time went on. Maybe, at least in my case, it was because I’d drifted away. The woman was my everything until I fell in love with wrestling. But… though those thoughts may have lingered, I was quick to push them out, just in time to hear Trey’s response.
”She’s not gonna come. She said ‘I’ll think about it’ but I know that means no. She’ll go to Judy’s house, or stay home, and finish a bottle of wine. That’s what she does on the weekends now. She doesn’t like going out anymore.”
I coughed, violently. I had tried to suppress it, and Trey turned, quickly rising to his feet.
”Did you take your--?”
”Yes. Don’t start that shit. Please. And sit down… we’re not done talking.”
He gave me an uneasy look, but took a seat once again.
”If she doesn’t wanna be there when I beat Alessandra, then fine. I don’t need her there. But I want her to be there at Crisis. I’d like to have some support out there when I’m fighting for the championship, know what I mean?”
”Dude. Yeah.”
”Just try to convince her, alright? It’d mean a lot, I guess.”
”You know what would’ve meant a lot to her?”
It was like a little pinch in the heart, eeeeevery fucking time. I shot Trey a glare and rolled my eyes, pulling my legs up to my chest. I was preparing to get up and head toward the house, but he spoke up before I got the chance.
”That Nayara girl? She’s pretty legit, man. I know you’ve sick, so you might wanna be extra careful out there against her. Seems like the nice girl, you know? But she’ll exploit it. I can see it in her.”
”Yeah. Me too.”
And I did. She came from the same “pack” or whatever that Joe Martinez did, and he did nothing but impress. I’d watched, with my head halfway in a waste-bin last week, tears streaming down my face, love and roses projecting from my insides, into the bin… I’d watched as he stomped through the competition to came a spot alongside Madison and myself. It made me more sick. I remembered getting that nauseous feeling again, seeing that I’d have to face Alessandra.
”I’m not gonna make excuses for myself. And you’d better not either. I’ll go out there and win by any means necessary.”
”Guys!”
We turned, and Cassandra beckoned us from the patio.
”Food! Consuuuuume!”
And she disappeared back into the house, skipping off to find Nana. I turned to Trey again as I climbed to my feet.
”I don’t deserve it, but it’d be nice for Mom to be there when I do it… at least once.”
He may have responded if I’d stuck around, but I didn’t linger too long. I made my way back toward the house, grimacing and shuddering as a series of coughs rolled out of my mouth. I felt Trey’s eyes on me, but I ignored them. I took a deep breath as I stood on the patio, allowing myself entrance only once I’d composed myself.
can’t you feel my heart?
dec.7.thirteen7:04pm
I woke up with a bit of a jolt.
I had to vomit. I knew it. The energy to pull myself out of the bed and rush into the bathroom wasn’t quite there yet. I could hear the chatter of Talon and Cassandra from the living room. They were watching some horror movie, trading barbs, trading predictions… I tried to focus on that as I pulled myself out of the bed. The bathroom was merely feet away but it may as well have been miles, and by the time I made my realization, I was on hands and knees, ready to crawl to that bitch. Walking just wasn’t happening.
That’s when I saw it. Like a stalker, it was under the bed, pushed under there just a few inches. I’d done it on purpose nights ago, trying to keep it out of my sight, but the APW Undisputed Championship was just glaring me in the face. I decided to lie there, on the floor, staring back at it. I stretched out my arm and my fingers, gripping a handful of the shag carpet, silently thankful that the belt was out of reach.
”You’re a cunt for looking at me like that. I get it, okay? Uuuugghhh, I’ve totally seen better days.”
I snickered to myself and buried my face in the carpet.
”I had days when I didn’t spend my nights talking to an inanimate object. I bet Alessandra’s not going through this bullshit right now.”
I opened my eyes and looked into the gold face of the championship again. The nausea went away when I looked back at it… one of God’s sick little jokes.
”I’m better than her though. I’m better than Alessandra. She doesn’t know what it’s like to hold you.”
I smiled warmly, pulling myself inches closer to the belt.
”She’s not gonna know what it’s like to hold anything like you. I’m going to the top, and I’m not looking back. I’m not waiting up for anyone… not even you…”
The feeling of sickness returned in the pit of my gut, but I ignored it. I dragged myself closer, reaching out. My fingers grazed the gold.
”I’m gonna be the only one dressed in gold around here. Me. It’s not so wrong to want that, right?”
Closer.
”And that bitch thinks she can stop me. I bet-- I bet that’s what she thinks.”
Closer. And there, I was able to grab it. I pulled the belt closer, and before I realized it, I was halfway under the damned bed, but I didn’t care. I hugged the belt to my chest and I reveled in the warmth and the ecstasy. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
”Never.”
BZZZZZZ…
BZZZZZZ…
BZZZZZZ…
To say I was annoyed would be an understatement. My phone vibrated against the table and I sat upright, one arm still clutching the championship belt of my now-defunct former organization. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and glanced at it, briefly, before answering it.
”What’s up, Trey? I was totally having a moment here.”
”Just wanted to let you know, man, that, uh… Mom isn’t gonna be coming to the show. Said she’s going to Julia’s for the weekend and they’re doing Christmas shit and… yeah. She just can’t come.”
Ouch.
”That’s alright. Thanks for lettin’ me know.”
”I’ll still be there though. Someone’s gotta be in your corner when you whoop Nayara, right?”
”Appreciated, Trey.”
There was a long pause before his voice came through with a bit more concern than before.
”Feelin’ alright, today?”
I glanced down at the belt in my arm and smiled faintly.
”Yeah, great. You just caught me on the wrong end of a nap.”
”My bad. Well, get some rest, alright? I’ll shoot you a text in the morning. And-- hey. Try not to let Mom get you down. She’s holding a bit of a grudge, but you know she loves you and all that sappy junk. She just isn’t ready.”
I didn’t have a response for him. I finally looked away from the belt, closing my eyes and nodding although I knew Trey couldn’t see it.
”Got it, dude. Hit me up.”
I ended the call and tossed the phone up onto the bed. I placed my back against the nightstand and hugged my knees and the championship belt to my chest. At that moment, I didn’t care that my health was deteriorating. I didn’t care that my mother wanted nothing to do with me-- she couldn’t even be arsed to come to PURE TV. I didn’t care. Holding the gold reminded me of what I was here for. It reminded me of what I’d sacrificed so much for.
But it reminded me that I didn’t yet have everything I’d ever wanted.
it’s the heat and the steam of the city
dec.8.thirteen10:52pm
”I’m not in the best condition, Alessandra, but I’m not gonna need to be. I’ve got a specific goal this week, and it’s to break you down as quickly as I possibly can.
I don’t have time to play games with you. I’ve already got Madison and your buddy Martinez to contend with, and after I’m done with you tomorrow night, I could have to compete with you again. You might go out there and win the Battle Royal, and I’d be soooo happy for you. And you know why, baby. You know what that means.
It means that not ooonly have I already defeated Chris Madison, but I’ll have defeated you. Hell-- I’ll have annihilated you; let’s be honest. I mean, you ARE good, and I’m certain that you’ve got all the confidence in the world. You’ve got plenty of momentum and fan support out there, but there’s no way you can think that you hold a candle to me, even with all those things considered. If you did, you’d already be in this match, wouldn’t you?
A Battle Royal’s your big break. You can hide your faults and your shortcomings and you don’t have to outwrestle or outperform anybody to weasel your way into the PURE Wrestling Heavyweight Title match, but make no mistake about it, you’re gonna have a hell of a time doing that with a bummed knee. You WILL walk away from me with a limp, Ally. And if you think that’s an empty threat, then I beg of you… I beg you to take a look at history. Look at what I’ve done in PURE Wrestling every single week, and then look at you.
You’re a sideshow attraction. You’re not the main event. You’re not the face of this company… or anything. The best advice I can give you for this week is to hop in line and take detailed notes because I’m gonna show you how to fall, baby. If you’re lucky, you’ll fall with some grace. You’ll fall with some dignity. But no matter what… you’re the fall-bitch this week. It’s almost getting repetitive, actually. For weeks, I was wondering when PURE would give me a challenge that I might not be able to overcome on my own, and then I was like… welllllll, that’s impossible, because we haven’t perfected human cloning yet.
So I thought about it, and I really thought ‘man, how much trouble could she really give me’? And you know what… I was an Alessandra once.
I was this girl, fresh-faced, and unknown, that came into a company in a tag team alongside this man… and he taught me almost everything I knew at the time. He performed better than I did sometimes. The fans? They reacted to him more positively than they did to me. They expected so much more from HIM, and I was so happy for him, but it fucking killed me sometimes, because all I wanted was some recognition and I wasn’t getting it. People knew I was good, but they didn’t know me... they didn’t know what I was truly, honestly capable of.
One day I got sick of that.
I don’t remember what day it was, but I broke out of my shell and I let loose in that ring. I put on the show of my fucking LIFE… I stopped trying to be what everybody else wanted me to be, and I took the best this business has to offer to the limit every single week, BEATING EVERY ONE OF THEM. I still do it. I don’t do it with regard for my well-being or anybody else’s. I do it for the thrill. I do it because I love to wrestle, Ally, and I know you do too, but you don’t do a damned thing to inspire me.
You don’t make me wanna cross the line in that ring.
You don’t make me wanna hurt you.
But maybe you’ll surprise me when we face off… y’know, maybe there’ll be this spark when we lock up and you’ll put the fear of God in me and I’ll know that I have to stop you from putting me down-- from walking into the Battle Royal and getting the opportunity to take food off my plate. To take my gold away from me. Maybe.
But that’s a big ‘maybe’.
To be honest, I’ll prepare for a five-star matchup, and I’ll prepare for you to take me to the edge, but I’m not entirely counting on that. I’ve got a plan that starts from the moment my music hits and ends when you’re tapping out on the canvas. I mean… Alessandra, you don’t strike me as the type of person that warrants a contingency plan, but then again… ha, I’m not the kind of person to come up with one, am I? I’m gonna put you down and I’m gonna do it right the first time.
You? You’re gonna need that contingency plan. You WILL be needing that Battle Royal, so do yourself a favor and just try… try to survive out there. I’ll let you, if you try.
But if you let me, I’ll break you.
I’m gonna break you down quick. I’m gonna do it by any means necessary. You know my name. You know what I can do. Now… let’s see what makes you so special.”
fin.
