Xianlong Feedback Thread

[blackdeath]

Decided to make one... would like to hear about what people think about the character and the RPs 

[joe]

After going back to read through your rp a second time I can say I like the idea of this character. I had a similar idea for one but didn't know how to really execute it without sounding like a bit of a martial arts movie cliche. (I'm a huge fan of the Shaw Brothers and Golden Harvest films, I'd probably just ending stealing dialogue inadvertently) I can say your character, at least to me, feel believable and I like that he's got a sort of humble intensity to him.

I don't now where the story is going but I look forward to seeing what you do with this character. Aside from some grammar issues, the RP was pretty solid.

[Maverick]

Feedback. First lots of BDisms!!! When I am reading this particular character I see a lot of similarity to your unique forum presence way of typing things, and I don't know if this is intentional, or is a good thing. I see it only because we talk a lot, so someone who isn't as familiar with you might not notice all the BDisms.

I think you need to go back after you copy and paste and make sure the line breaks aren't so big and uneven. As I got to the bottom of the RP the jarring line breaks broke my immersion.

As for Xianlong himself, you did a few weird characterization things. I felt like Xianlong is supposed to be a foreigner, someone who isn't acclimated specifically to American culture, but then you throw in a joke about cha-cha dancing and that was jarring. It was a bad joke on the level of Prancy's bad jokes. (BD gets what I mean folks) If that's who he is, that's who he is. It was just weird to me. Based on your character bio and things we discussed when you were deciding to sign up for PURE I had certain expectations of the character, and sometimes it seems like you break character. Other times you say some brilliant things. The line about the bamboo and the willow trees are the types of things I expect to see.

I loved the journal writing at the end. I think it was done well. The last bit about the ninja...quite a feel spelling and grammar mistakes make it hard for me to know what is actually going on. I have no idea what you were trying to get across there.